A father’s prayer

My father left my mother and four children

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when I was very young. As a boy growing up without a dad, I found it hard to imagine a father in heaven who really loved me and would never leave. And while my mother was persistent about taking us all to church, I disliked religion and believed churchgoers to be mostly hypocrites. It wasn’t until I graduated college, got married and began my career that I began to sense a deep need to be connected to both my father on earth and the one in heaven.

I did connect with my earthly father, who lived in Arkansas with his wife and children. He explained that he had tried to stay in touch with me, my two brothers and sister. My mother had blocked him at every turn and even threw away the Christmas gifts he sent. We had never known about the attempted visits or the presents.

My stepfather, who was tasked by my mother to throw away the Christmas gifts, confirmed my dad’s story. Life is complicated, and as a flawed husband and dad myself, I’ve learned not to judge others too harshly. Marriage is difficult, and being a parent is even harder. My mother and father have both passed away; I still love them and am grateful for having them in my life.

My experience with my dad helped me realize that God had always been there for me, but that His access had been blocked. In my case, I was the one who had done the blocking.

I always knew there was a God. Even as a kid I was smart enough to know that this infinite universe and the myriad variations of complex life forms could not have happened by accident. But I didn’t think God could be trusted to hang around when I wasn’t following all of His rules. Moreover, His rules would ruin all my fun. My plan was to wait and do business with God when I was too old to have fun. Until then, I wanted to be free!